“Three- and four-year-olds may still be developing the dexterity to hold a pen, dress themselves or cut their food, but 92% of them watch video streaming platforms such as YouTube (across all devices), almost half send voice and video messages, 23% use social media apps or sites, 18% are playing games online and 11% have posted their own video streaming content.” ~ The Guardian 

“…the twin rise of the smartphone and social media has caused an earthquake of a magnitude we’ve not seen in a very long time, if ever. There is compelling evidence that the devices we’ve placed in young people’s hands are having profound effects on their lives—and making them seriously unhappy.” ~ Jean M. Twenge, The Atlantic

“Giving kids whatever they ask for is disastrous parenting. There’s no sense of something earned. I’m sorry, but when you’re 12, you don’t need a new cell phone every few months just because a new one comes out.” ~ Ewan McGregor

“Teenagers talk about the idea of having each other’s ‘full attention.’ They grew up in a culture of distraction. They remember their parents were on cell phones when they were pushed on swings as toddlers. Now, their parents text at the dinner table and don’t look up from their BlackBerry when they come for end-of-school day pickup.”   ~ Professor Sherry Turkle, Massachusetts Institute of Technology”

“We don’t have a choice on whether we use smartphones. The choice is how we use them.” ~ Catherine Price, author of How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life.

When I see how the smartphone has been integrated into our lives, I think back to when I was a teenager. When I went out with my friends or on a date, I had a curfew; if I could not meet that curfew for any reason I was expected to call home to check in to say I was okay and heading home soon, request that someone come get me, etc. But it wasn’t always that easy to get to a phone in time to do that. One time, I was on a double date at a drive-in movie (the latter of which was somewhere I was not allowed to be by the way) when I suddenly noticed how late it was. Panic! My date peeled out of the drive-in as we hurried to find a phone so I could call home. It wasn’t the first — or the last — time that I got into trouble for not calling home when expected. My parents — and big brother when he was around — would have been delighted to equip me with a cellphone in that very different time from today’s world. Of course, there is a down side to adolescents and teens having cellphones, and that is it’s impossible to tell from where they’re calling (unless a tracker is activated), whereas in my youth, other than calling from a payphone, I would be calling from a particular location, such as school or a friend’s house, etc., and my parents could call those locations and ask for me. 

Today, I rely a lot on my smartphone, but I don’t use it for everything that it provides. Mostly I use it to place phone calls, text, take photos and occasionally look up something on the Net. Rarely, I’ve use it for banking or online shopping, and only when I’ve been away from home and my computer. And, yet, I feel that I use my smartphone way too much. That might be because as it’s a phone I take it everywhere with me, both at home and away. And while many have a fixed-place landline as a backup, just as many use smartphones exclusively for calls and just about everything else.

I often wonder how I functioned before smartphone technology; although for most of my life, I managed quite well without a phone on my person 24/ 7, or for that matter without all the bells and whistles that are on my smartphone. I was able to enjoy life without snapping a photo of anything, anywhere, anytime, and I actually liked going to the library to look up information or check out a book.

And, yet, as smartphones have given us the ability to photograph, video and record images and events, they not only have provided us with pleasure but also allowed us to record crimes in progress that has helped to bring justice to perpetrators and their victims. The technology also allows us to call for help in emergencies, check on a loved one, look up an address, call enroute to say we are running late, or have a video conference on the fly. Those are all functionalities that help us organize our daily lives and make our lives easier, more productive and safer. And we could say that’s a great improvement, but that might be because life moves faster and we have less time to accomplish tasks or enjoy life, and there seems to be more crimes committed  now than  decades ago.

But, do we really need to be attached to our smartphones continually, and do we need to use all these functionalities so frequently? Have we become unable to function without our smartphones? Have they become digital security blankets? Are we enjoying life more because of them? Can we occasionally put them aside without suffering separation anxiety? Are smartphones too much of a good thing for our physical, mental and emotional health?

To add to our dependency on our smartphones, companies increasingly are strongly urging or, in some cases forcing customers to use their apps on our smartphones. A case in point is Weight Watchers, of which I have been a customer for decades — offline and online. Recently, WW ended customer access to many essential features on their online accounts via computer and now only offers access to these features via its app. This type of action seems to be discriminatory against those who don’t use their smartphones for everything. In my view, being forced to use any app is inconvenient and frustrating on my tiny keyboard and tiny screen, and I’m sure I’m not alone. And when an app is a bit flaky, being forced to use it adds insult to injury. While I understand that companies offer apps to remain competitive, apps should remain an option.

Meanwhile, some app-burnout seems to be setting in with regard to certain social media sites, such as some dating apps and even TikTok.

And to that point, smartphones provide access to unregulated and wide-ranging social media, from the lighter side to the darkest corners of the web. We need to understand how all of this access via a little machine to which we are perpetually attached might be contributing to a dangerous smartphone addiction for us and, more urgently, for our children.

Smartphone Addiction

As smartphone technology has advanced and usage has increased, healthcare professionals warn that excessive use might be rewiring our brains, and there is evidence that both the physical and mental health of our young people are declining. Of great concern has been the smartphone’s portal to the aforementioned social media and the alarming suicide trajectory for young women in Gens Y and Z, the latter having been the first generation to be brought up entirely with the smartphone. The increase in suicides across these generations correlates with the increase in smartphone and social media usage. Boys, as well, are victimized. This is a horrific situation and more must be done to protect our youth. 

Adults, as well, are at risk of a decline in quality of life from excessive smartphone use. While our smartphones can be our best friends by connecting with our families, friends and work, as well as news, research, help, news, etc., they can also be our worst enemies by causing sleeplessness, stress, loss of memory and other maladies due to ongoing distractions and dependency on our phones. And, as mentioned earlier, as our smartphones become more sophisticated, we are doing more and more on them through apps for just about everything, making us not only dependent on them, but also making us co-dependent on them. That begs the question, are we controlling our devices or are they controlling us? Along these lines, some of us older adults might recall the “CrackBerry“!

 Most Americans own some sort of mobile phone, mostly smartphones. Senior citizens, however, are less likely to own a smartphone, although about 75% do. But as mentioned, not all smartphone owners use apps regularly, and desktops and laptops should still be options to access sites and conduct business and recreational activities.

Taking Charge Of Smartphones For Our Children’s Futures 

While we adults need to get a grip on our smartphone use, it cannot be repeated too often that our primary concern should be what smartphones are doing to our children, adolescents, teenagers and young adults. So, what can we do? Here are a few ideas:

• Many experts advise against a providing a smartphone to anyone under the age of 13, or in the eighth grade. For keeping track of, keeping in touch with, and helping adolescents to navigate the cyber world safely and smartly there are recommended flip phones and beginner smartphones available.
•  Psychologists have long told us that if we are in a controlling relationship we should get out. In her book, How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life, Catherine Price says, “Multiple studies have associated the heavy use of smartphones (especially when used for social media) with negative effects on neuroticism, self-esteem, impulsivity, empathy, self-identity, and self-image, as well as with sleep problems, anxiety, stress, and depression.”
• Some schools and school districts are instituting cellphone bans, including Van Nuys High School (California), and all of California seems poised to restrict cellphone use in schools, Newburg Free Academy (New York), New York City (the largest school district in the nation), Lowell School District (Massachusetts). and possible all school districts in Utah.

Regarding that last point, some parents are opposed to school cellphone bans, as they want to keep in touch with their children during school hours, some excessively. And not just in big cities, but also in rural communities. This is understandable in light of the escalation of school shootings, and that is a shame because school is a place where kids learn not only academic subjects but also how to manage themselves professionally and socially to prepare them for adulthood and their professional lives, and that is best done without cellphone attachment and parental hovering.

On the other hand, schools that ban all cellphone usage during school hours might be overreacting. I do not believe that students should use their cellphones in classrooms during instruction unless the teacher asks them to look up specific information related to the subject under discussion. However, until schools are safe from gun violence, administrators must modify the rules to accommodate a student’s ability to use their smartphone in an emergency. For children in middle and elementary school, flip phones that allow only phoning and texting might be the solution. Allowing students to keep their flip phones and smartphones during school hours requires monitoring and disciplining, but teachers and administrators are trained, experienced and accustomed to doing so.

The Etiquette, Ethics and Empathy of Smartphone Use

I thought about all of this as I pondered whether smartphone etiquette had become better or worse in time, as they seem to be in use perpetually. Whether one owns a smartphone, or an older flip phone, cellphone etiquette is still very important for many reasons. We want to preserve our reputations, show respect and consideration for others, and set good examples for the younger generation(s).

One very common breech of cellphone etiquette is the habit of speaking loudly in public on one’s cell, sometimes with nearly invisible headphones so others cannot tell whether the person is speaking to — or in some cases cursing at — them. This type of behavior still can be startling and an assault on the senses.   

As an etiquette trainer and consultant, I have counseled high school and college students on proper cellphone etiquette. Fourteen years ago, I posted on this blog a commentary on cell phone usage, entitled Bells Are Ringing – And Not In A Good Way!  How have we done over the past decade plus?! Are we still texting while driving, looking at our phones instead of at our children, or failing to turn off our phones at appropriate times, such as during meals, concerts, meetings, church, interviews, while visiting hospitals, in airplanes and wherever there are signs or instructions to do so?

To see how you’re doing, here is the 10-point list from that post, updated:

1. Don’t text while driving, or when you’re a passenger if there’s a chance that it’ll distract the driver.  Indeed, you’ve heard this ad nauseum, but it’s at the top of the list of cellphone safety protocol and bears repeating.  To address the remaining nine points, it’s required that you be alive.
2. Understand the workings of your new device to ensure that all alarms and ring-tones are silenced.  Technology seems to be changing faster than Taylor Swift changes costumes, so check to be sure that you have effectively silenced your new iOS 17 or Android 14 before you settle down in your theatre or concert seat; otherwise,  you could end up being embarrassed in the moment or later going unpleasantly viral on social media. This also goes for using one’s phone to photograph or video concerts, or — unbelievably — throwing one’s phone at a performer.
3. Turn off your cell phone in classes, labs, lecture halls, meetings, assemblies, rehearsals, movies, college and job interviews, hospitals, airplanes, performance halls and anywhere else where you’re asked or instructed to turn them off, or where it is apparent that it’s advisable to do so.  Show maturity and respect.
4. Remind others courteously and if necessary, to silence their devices.
5. Offer to assist others kindly in checking their devices to ensure that they’re silenced.
6. Be kind and understanding of others whose devices go off accidentally; it could happen to you, or anyone.
7. Set an example for others to follow by practicing good cell phone etiquette, and show tolerance when someone makes a mistake.
8. Apologize and take quick action to silence your device if it chimes by accident.
9. When dining with your family or visiting with friends, turn off your device.  Your smartphone is likely always with you, but your family and friends aren’t; give them the attention and respect they deserve.
10. Manage your smartphone usage on the job. Refrain from personal texting and calling, checking emails or watching videos and other media while you’re on the job, which can take you away from your work or disturb others. This goes whether you have a full / part-time job, internship (paid or unpaid) or volunteer position, work onsite or from home, or whichever position you hold on the corporate ladder (the higher up you are on that ladder the more responsibility you have to set a professional example). Wait until there is a break in work or during lunch to conduct personal business or recreation.

Us Versus The Machine

Technology will continue to evolve; just look at how artificial intelligence (AI) has advanced over the centuries and currently is integrating into our everyday lives. We humans the world over must learn to manage such technologies, rather than allowing them to manage us.

Until next time,

Jeanne