A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no laws, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” ~ Agatha Christie
“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver, from her bestseller and Pulitzer Prize finalist, The Poisonwood Bible
“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way mom told you to in the beginning.” ~ Unknown (Okay, any of us could have said this!)“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then, I want to move in with them.” ~ Phyllis Diller“‘God,’ said the angel touching his sleeve gently, ‘Get some rest tomorrow….’ ‘I can’t,’ said God, ‘I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick…can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger…and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower.'” ~ Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers
This Mother’s Day, looking back on the years of rearing my only child, which cover a few decades, I have often wondered how I could have done better. Was I too tough, too soft; too distant, too smothering?
What I do know is that the tiny person I carried home from the hospital on the fourth day of her life brought me joy beyond anything I had ever experienced and terror beyond anything I had ever encountered. Yep, joy and terror — that pretty much sums up the roller coaster ride called motherhood.
And on that ride, some decisions I made were fraught with a combination of uncertainty and fear and others I made with a surefootedness that astounds me when I look back. The scary part is that I often did not know until much later if I made the right call or not in a situation.
But the real phenomenon of motherhood is experiencing an infant grow to a toddler, preschooler, schoolchild, adolescent, teenager, a young adult and then a full adult, as each stage of development presents a new person with whom to become acquainted.
The strongest shock to my parental system, though, was when the day arrived that the tiny being who had depended on me completely had somehow transformed into a legal adult and suddenly was making her own decisions and charting her own life. Our lives flashed by; she no longer needed my help with homework, held my hand as we crossed the street, asked permission to go somewhere, needed my signature on certain forms…the disturbing list went on. That rude awakening for me occurred when my daughter went off to college. I recall that I had the emotional bends.
As I rode the mom rollercoaster, I developed new respect for my mother. Throughout my growing up years my mother and I, both strong-willed women, tangled over just about everything as I tried to establish my independence and she tried to (over)protect me. We argued about clothes, boys, school, boys, makeup, boys, dating, smoking (it was another era), music choices, politics, and did I mention boys? At no time, though, did I ever doubt my mother’s love for me, and though we disagreed on many things we agreed on many more. Growing up, I was secure in the knowledge that she would always take care of me and provide me with what I needed, if not everything I wanted. I loved her dearly and miss her every day since she’s been gone.
My daughter and I have also had disagreements, but less so as we have each grown in our relationship. When we do have the occasional conflict, it typically ends in enlightenment accompanied by tears and / or laughter. I’ve learned that the rewards can be well worth the sacrifices, struggles, and clashes of wills between a mother and daughter, and am so grateful for this wonderful, brilliant, caring, productive and beautiful person in my life. And I’m proud of what she has accomplished for herself and for what she has contributed to making the world a better place. The joy, pride, and comfort that she has brought me overshadows the inevitable agita and worry.
Much of this can also be said of fathers, but our focus is on us mothers this weekend!
So, if you find yourself in the mood, whether you are a mother or a daughter, here are my favorite mother-daughter movies to enjoy:
Mama Mia (2008) (This could be a father-daughter movie, as well; or rather a fathers-daughter movie – lol)
Or, if you prefer picking up a book, read or reread Little Women by Louis May Alcott, Beloved by Toni Morrison and Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple; all three were also made into movies.
There are many more! What are your favorites?
All of this is to say that my gift this Mother’s Day — and every day — is the gift of my daughter. And to all mothers everywhere, my message is simply to cherish the relationship that is like no other, that reaches unimaginable highs, spirals to deep lows, and then soars high again on that thrill ride called motherhood. And although we don’t ever want to get off the ride, maybe it could go a bit slower and with fewer dips. But, then, the ride might be less exciting, and tranquility is often overrated!
Until next time,
Jeanne