"If you get up early to go Christmas shopping today,
you can save a ton of money.
Of course, if you roll over and say, 'Screw shopping this year,'
you can save even more.”
~ Maxine
Maxine may be on to something. Black Friday is a day that has become infamous in the annals of consumer shopping, so maybe it's better if everyone just turned off their alarm clocks, went back to sleep and skipped the madness.
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest
appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy
To Americans, Thanksgiving means hearth and home, a gathering of family and friends and good and plentiful food and drink. To the pilgrims who celebrated what we have come to recognize as the First Thanksgiving nearly 400 years ago, it was an occasion of thankfulness and gratitude by those who had survived the voyage to these shores as well as the first harsh winter in their new land.
“No good deed goes unpunished.” ~ Clare Booth Luce
The scene is last Tuesday, November 5th, which was Election Day in the U.S. The location is a local campaign office of a candidate for public office. The time is mid-Afternoon. A volunteer is placing “Get Out The Vote!” calls to local residents who are members of her political party and who are likely to vote for her candidate. She is upbeat and motivated, and there is warmth and a smile in her voice.
“In some families and at some events it’s customary to say a blessing or prayer before the meal begins. If that’s not your custom and you’re a guest, just sit quietly until the blessing is finished. If asked, do join hands around the table—doing so will complete the circle.”
~ Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition, Manners For A New World
In the U.S., the freedoms of religion, speech and assembly are held in very high esteem. But, along with freedom should come civility. That means that we should not only respect the rights, beliefs and customs of others, we should also extend courtesy, consideration and understanding when we or when others exercise those rights, express those beliefs and celebrate those customs. In each the following dining scenarios, consider the response that you believe would be most appropriate:
Sally Brown: Do I get to go trick-or-treating with you, big brother?
Charlie Brown: Sure, Sally.
Sally Brown: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! How do we do it?
Lucy Van Pelt: All you have to do is walk up to a house, ring the doorbell, and say "tricks or treats."
Sally Brown: Are you sure it's legal?
Lucy Van Pelt: Of course it's legal.
Sally Brown: I wouldn't want to be accused of taking part in a rumble
~ It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
Halloween would be a whole lot more fun if everyone were like Sally Brown and showed some real concern about the proprieties of trick or treating.
That which chiefly causes the failure of a dinner-party,
is the running short—not of meat, nor yet of drink, but of conversation.
~ Lewis Carroll
There are many components to a successful dinner party – a welcoming invitation, warm and friendly hosts, engaging guests, delicious food served elegantly, and a beautiful and inviting dinner table. Those are the elements that will draw guests to a gathering. But, the dynamic that sets the occasion afire and keeps people talking about it long afterward is the conversation, good or bad.
There was no food as yet on the glittering golden plates, but small menus were lying in front of each of them. Harry picked his up uncertainly and looked around—there were no waiters. Dumbledore, however, looked carefully down at his own menu, then said very clearly to his plate, “Pork chops!” And pork chops appeared.” ~ Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire
We might not be able to summon our courses directly from the menu card the way the Harry Potter crowd did, but all the same there is a magical atmosphere that surrounds a formal dinner party.
It’s not the gift, but the thought that counts.
~ Henry Van Dyke, American Author & Poet (1852-1933)
Bringing a gift to the host or hostess when you are invited to dinner -- from a formal affair to a casual pot-luck and everything in between -- is a time-honored custom intended to show a guest’s appreciation to the hostess for the invitation. Although this type of gift is called a “hostess gift,” it’s obviously intended for both genders. A hostess gift can be generic, such as a bottle of wine or candy, or tailored to the taste and personality of the host. But, be sure to consider any allergies, preferences, religious beliefs or ethnic customs.
Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go,
and still have the feeling that you wanted to stay?"
~ Banjo, from The Man Who Came to Dinner
Banjo is a character from the classic play about an insufferable guest named Sheridan Whiteside, who reluctantly accepts a dinner invitation and then because of a freak accident not only overstays his visit but behaves badly the entire time. So, to entertain Banjo’s question, perhaps there have been times when, as a guest, you’ve been ambivalent about whether you wanted to stay or go. However, as you know that the foundation of good manners is to put others ahead of yourself, I’m betting that you did not behave as Sherry Whiteside did. Because whether at a formal affair or a beach party, a guest has certain responsibilities that mirror those of the host (see last week’s post, Responsibilities of a Host), as follows:
A host is like a general: calamities often reveal his genius.
~ Horace, Roman lyric poet, satirist, and critic, 65 – 8 B.C.
Now that autumn has arrived and the busy fall entertaining season begins, I’m returning to topics of dining etiquette. As a student, your future very likely will include formal entertaining and hosting for both personal and business occasions. As Horace observed millennia ago, planning and implementing a dinner or luncheon party can be fraught with opportunities for mishaps, often referred to as Murphy’s Law.
Jeanne Nelson 